First Name: Mary Lou
Last Name: Rider (nee Slonaker)
Date of Birth: 22 Dec 1928
Date of Death: 5 Mar 2020
Town: Mechanicsburg
County: Cumberland
State: Pennsylvania
Country: United States
*This is a collective effort, written by the surviving four of the five Rider Girls.
In some ways Mom and Dad (Merle Leroy Rider) were opposites but their core values were the same – family was always the #1 priority. A major difference is that Mom was a football fanatic: Pittsburgh Steelers, Penn State Nittany Lions and Mechanicsburg High School Wildcats. Dad on the other hand was never a big sports fan and instead loved music and he was often whistling a tune.
In looking at old pictures, particularly from when she and Dad were dating, they show nothing but closeness and smiles. They enjoyed day trips to the beach, and the mountains, and had a circle of friends, some with whom they remained close with until illness or death began to separate them.
As a young woman, Mom was tall and willowy. She was the youngest of two daughters; Aunt Janie was nearly four years older. Her mom, Grammy Merian Sadler, was a tiny, gentle, compassionate soul. Her dad, Pappy Jerry Slonaker, always seemed old – only partially explained by their 11-year age difference. Grammy was previously engaged to someone else but he was killed in action in WWI – his identity is unknown. After “The Great War”, she met and married the much older Jerry; they were married on May 31, 1924.
Growing up, Mom lived on Main Street in New Kingstown, in a lovely old home; one that had neither running water nor indoor plumbing. As a girl and young woman, she played basketball and softball. As an adult, she was a member of a women’s bowling league, and later, she and Dad played briefly in a couple’s league.
Mom graduated from Mechanicsburg High School in 1947. She and Merle were married on September 24, 1949.
Mom gave birth to five daughters and later suffered a miscarriage of a sixth child. We now realize that throughout much of her adult life Mom struggled with undiagnosed depression, and almost definitely, what would now be called post-partum depression. Her stubborn streak would never allow her to admit that and she was never treated. Although she enjoyed friends and laughter, she was often lonely, particularly after Dad’s death in 1991.
While Mom did not work outside of the home until her youngest enrolled in kindergarten, she was a hard worker. Cleaning and cooking for seven was a full-time job. In the early years, laundry was done with a wringer washer. Some years later an electric dryer was brought into the home, but when that dryer stopped working, she hung all our clothes outside to dry, regardless of the season. Once dried, EVERYTHING was ironed; the sheets and shirts were first sprinkled with starch. Because Mom was terrified of spiders, some of the girls took this opportunity to torment her by hiding plastic spiders in the laundry basket or placing them on the ironing board when she bent to retrieve another t-shirt to iron.
Before Pappy’s death in 1974, he was a regular feature in our home. At this time, he, Grammy and Aunt Janie shared an apartment on West Main Street, Mechanicsburg, and the Rider’s had a house on East Main Street. On Monday mornings he would sip coffee while Mom ironed. He was also on hand to help shuck corn, shell peas or lima beans, pick a rotten potato out of a 25 lb. bag -a job mom could not stomach – or complete other prep tasks needed to fill the countless jars of jellies, fruits, and vegetables that Mom canned or froze every year. Mom used to say that she worked all summer so we could eat well all winter.
Mom cooked a lot and would prepare favorite meals for each of her children, some of which became favorites of grandchildren: chicken potpie with rolled noodles, pig stomach, liver and onions (but only for Dad, and upon his death, never again); porcupine balls, German chocolate cake with coconut/pecan frosting, spice cake with caramel icing, etc. Cream puffs, and sea foam candy come to mind as other favorite desserts.
Wow did Mom ever love her desserts! She had a big sweet tooth and would never pass on an offered sticky bun (with a pat of butter per bite), cake, ice cream, or candy. She baked cookies and pies, and everyone always received their favorite birthday cake. Sandtart baking became a family and friends’ annual tradition, continuing until the Christmas before her death in March 2020.
Food and feeding others were always important to Mom. Growing up on Main Street in Mechanicsburg, gave us a front row seat to Jubilee Day and Mom always kept a pot of vegetable soup on the stove for whoever stopped by. Similarly, for the town Halloween parade, pumpkin pie and gingerbread was always on hand for anyone watching the parade from the porch.
Before she had children, Mom’s first job was at Stern’s Jewelry in Carlisle. When she returned to the workforce, after 15 years of raising children, she had a series of jobs, nearly all of which she walked to, as Mom never learned to drive. In no particular order, she helped to pick and sell peaches and apples at the former Miller’s Orchard (now Peachtree Development), she was a plug-in switch board operator at Seidle Memorial Hospital, worked briefly at a Handy Markets, clerked at the Ryan Store, had a job that she utterly despised working at Icelandic Seafood (too far to walk, Dad drove her, and picked her up each day…both were happy when she found other employment).
In later years, Mom worked as a drive-up bank teller at (then) First Bank and Trust Company. This was her favorite job. She enjoyed working with and had a natural aptitude for numbers. For the many years that Dad was a self-employed barber, Mom kept his financial books and managed all household finances and tax filings. She was also good with a rhyme. While she and Dad supported their children in Rainbow and Drill Team for Girls, Mom was often called upon to write a poem or silly ditty, acknowledging one’s contributions, retirement, or award earned.
After all the girls were (finally) out of the house, Mom and Dad had just about five years together before his health began to decline. During that time, they took multiple bus trips and Mom, her first airplane ride, to visit a daughter living in Chicago; she flew just one other time, to visit that same daughter, then living in San Diego. They enjoyed visiting with friends, and trips to the beach and the mountains, where they would often spend the day: First “church in the mountains”, followed by bacon and eggs cooked over a coal fire in a cast iron skillet, a packed picnic basket for lunch, and grilled burgers, before returning home.
Mom became accomplished at counted cross stitch and made birth and wedding announcement cross-stiches for most family members that can still be found proudly displayed in their homes. She was a life-long member of Eastern Star, a Freemason organization. She maintained her membership because she said, “it would look good in her obituary”; she rarely attended the meetings. For many years, she volunteered with Meals on Wheels, helped prep the monthly church newsletter, and each year, around Easter, volunteered with their egg and pretzel making.
Late in life, Mom took a job at Asma’s Gift. She and Asma became fast friends, a friendship that lasted until Mom’s death.
Though Mom never drove, that did not prevent her from going, seeing, and doing. With a simple phone call and question “Lou, do you want to…?” she was gone: to the movies, out to dinner, a trip to the store, drive in the country, you name it.
The sudden death of a lifelong friend and frequent driver was very difficult for Mom, and the daughters have marked that time as the beginning of her decline, both physically and cognitively. Mom did, however, enjoy playing cards with other widowed friends and remained very competitive.
Mom said she enjoyed and was proud of all her girls. Sadly, she never said that to us, but we would often hear it from her friends. Grandchildren, and later great grandchildren brought her great joy, no doubt, in part, because they were not her responsibility.
She was able to attend most of her grandchildren’s weddings, which included two trips to North Carolina and a limo ride to Long Island (during which she drank her first ever Bloody Mary). She danced with her grandsons and held almost all of her great-grandbabies, watching them take early steps, and hearing some of their first words.
As the years passed, Mom’s world kept getting smaller and smaller, and she seemed content with that, just marking time until the end, an end we believe she welcomed with open arms. After 91 years, the last 30 as a widow, she was tired.
Mom often said that she had a wonderful life and no regrets. We hope that is true.
Published 6 Sept 2020
Below is the eulogy read by Pastor Aaron Erdley of Trindle Spring Lutheran
Church in Mechanicsburg, PA – Funeral held on 9 Mar 2020
- It doesn’t seem much like a day for celebration as we gather to say our final goodbyes to Mary Lou Rider, and yet the one reading that she chose for this day is Psalm 100. Half of this psalm talks of joy and praise, singing, and giving thanks to God.
- Mary Lou lived a life of praise and thanksgiving, she gathered at this church for so many years in order to give God glory and praise throughout both the joys and sorrows of her life. She gave God thanks and praise for her daughters, grandchildren, her great grandchildren, and the people she had in her life.
- Today, we give thanks for her. We give God praise for the unique and wonderful woman that Mary Lou was. We offer our thanks for the memories she made, the legacy she leaves, for the lessons she taught, and for laughs shared together. Today we are thankful for the gift of Mary Lou Rider.
- She was a mom, sister, wife, grandmother, and great-grandmother, a friend, and a child of God. And that is where the other half of the psalm rings true.
- The other half of the 100th Psalm is the reminder and promise that we are God’s children, God’s creation. And that God’s love and faithfulness endures forever.
- In this moment, even in the face of death this Psalm is not only beautiful, but powerful. There are so very few things that seem remain constant in this world. For many of you Mary Lou’s presence in your lives was probably one of those things. But in our Psalm we are also reminded that God’s faithfulness, God steadfast love, God’s goodness, and God’s claim on us is a constant, unwavering presence in our lives.
- Mary Lou knew God’s presence and grace in her life even in the face of loss, and she shared God’s grace with her family and friends. When I met with some of the family on Friday, they described her as faithful, busy, competitive, strong-willed, independent, with a good sense of humor.
- She may not have been big on talking about her faith, but the way she lived out her faith spoke volumes. She read her devotions every day, she loved her Sunday School Class, she helped with meals, baked cakes for funerals, worked on crafts, was a part of the prayer chain, and helped make the chocolate covered eggs. And the girls recalled that unless you were on your deathbed, you were going to church.
- It was just a part of who she was, and what she did. Just like sticky buns, butter, and sand tarts as long as they were paper thin.
- I have to tell you that one of the other things that stuck out when I spoke with Mary Lou’s family was her hospitality. They told stories from living downtown during Jubilee day she would make a huge pot of soup meant for anyone who walked through the door, or the treats outside for friends who were coming to watch the Halloween parade, or the fact that if there were a bunch of leftovers after a family meal then everyone must have gone away hungry.
- To me that shows Mary Lou’s desire for people to be taken care of. For people to have a place to go.
- Our Gospel reading this afternoon talks about a place for each of us. Jesus tells his disciples “in my Father’s house there are many dwelling places, and that he is going to prepare a place and will come and take us there.”
- Amidst our grief today, there is joy and there is hope. Mary Lou is with Merle and Robbie, she is at peace and rest in the place that her loving creator made for her, where there’s no more weakness or pain, only the joy that comes with being in God’s presence and care.
- It is amazing how sometimes even 91 years just doesn’t seem long enough. The future will hold those moments when you’re playing scrabble or cards, baking cookies, having a half cup of coffee or thimble full of wine (as Mary Lou would want) and you will think of her.
- Share the stories, share your memories, live into the hope of faith that she did. A hope that makes us act differently knowing that God has claimed us in the waters of baptism and marked us with the cross of Christ forever, and sent us to bear God’s message of love to the world.
- Mary Lou now knows that gift of love first hand in God’s presence. Until the day when we are all reunited in God’s presence, at God’s table, we cling to the same hope that sustained her all these years.
- Knowing that death doesn’t get the final say, but God does. God has the final say and God’s word is one of life and love in his presence.
- That is the promise and good news of the Psalm that she chose for today.
- The Lord is good, his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.
- Today we give thanks for God’s goodness made known in Mary Lou and we give thanks for God’s faithfulness that will bring all together again in God’s presence someday. Amen